Today I just write…

…. without any thought or not about anything in specific.

A place to release the thoughts that are running through my mind at twenty thousand km’s per hour. The thoughts that I feel can cloud my judgement, of myself and others. A place that I hardly let anyone inside of, my head.

Last night the boys got to stay up late since it was Jason & Grant’s birthday… it actually made for an even easier night-time routine as they were utterly shattered by the time I finally decided that they could leave me in peace, leave me to get lost in my awesome book that I am hating getting further and further into (because that means the end is near) but loving every minute of… it consumes me and I get addicted and excited as I read!! I was surprised that they woke up in a good mood today, I thought that they would be moody and tired but of course as kids, as we once all were, you HAVE TO prove your parents wrong… or at least try as you get older. Perhaps it was the fact that I got them involved and excited about the porridge that they were going to have, or the fact that we were not that rushed this morning… or maybe they just had a real good, deep slumber just like me.

I often find my  mind all over the place and then I question what is going on inside of there, like is it realistic or is my mind just wanting me to believe that you know? Like having feelings for someone although you have never met face to face, falling for their mind and their virtual personality… is it insane or actually possible? I often wonder as I have been in the cyber world a while now and often things can change once met face to face with a soul that you think/thought you could love so deeply. It is scary and almost seems like a waste of time to build and nurture such relationships… am I fooling myself? Or does it just suit me to have a virtual relationship instead of having someone right here, right now to tell me where, when and what, always get’s me pondering. I have turned over a new leaf in my life or at least I am trying very hard to and the thing with this virtual man, he respects and honours that while I know that the men that I have met here, in reality, they do not and they run a mile when expected to, I hate that.

One of the hardest things for me in my life is saying good-bye. Even when it is temporarily. And especially when it is to those people that we love and treasure and *almost* cannot imagine life without. I have had to do this a few times in my life and yet the next one never get’s any easier… or does it at some point?? SO many unanswered questions of life, they can drive me batty at times.

And now I hear the rumbles in the sky and I hope and pray for a HUGE storm to wash away ALL the sorrows in the world, not just mine, but to all who need a good cleanse of their life!!


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