You may read this and you may not, but that is ok because at the end of the day I am writing it for me.
I was always honest with you, you always knew what I was feeling and why… yet there were so many feelings that I hid away from you because I never truly understood them. There were nights that I spent lying awake, dreaming of the things that could be, that I so wanted to be.
You captured my heart, stole it right out my chest. Although I am over you, you will always have a piece of it and you will always be someone I consider very dear to me. I still care about you and not a day goes by when I do not miss you… the missing is different though. Perhaps it was pinning before and now it is just friendship missing, like I miss my best friend, or my mother when she is away.
There are so many unsaid things, things that I so wanted to share with you. They were written and burnt, the age-old technique really works… who knew? It cleansed my soul and helped me truly get over that part of ‘us’ and feel that it is ok to be friends with you, ok because I know that I want you in my life no matter what. It hurt for a long time to speak to you and know that I could not have you… but now? Oh now, I am willing and able and I love our convo’s. You make me laugh from the inside out. You’re little quirks and endless humour – never cease to capture my laughter.
People warned me against staying in contact with you but I never listened as only I know what really went on and how special it was. Through all the pain I was sure of one thing… I wanted to be your friend. I wanted to speak to you even though at the time it killed me. I wanted to know and be a part of your life, even when I never liked what I heard. I prayed for your happiness and my healing… for both our healing. That’s the thing that made me realise the even greater person that was inside, I know that you hurt as much as me. I know that you shed tears, as did I.
It is true, time does heal… Eventually.
All my love, always