The masks I wear

Masksmost days i find myself wearing a mask, a mask the covers what I am really facing. while this may not be the best way to go through life, it works for me. and I am fortunate enough to have people close to me in life that I don’t have to wear the masks around – they know what I am truly facing and they love me all the same.

today is one of those days were i am battling to keep the masks on. i am fragile and not being handled with care. it feels like everything has just come crashing down at the same time and i am a mess. i am a crying heap and trying to work at the same  time. i am anxious (due to circumstances) and haven’t been sleeping well at all – which just adds to everything i guess. i am left with so many questions and so much hurt right now. i cannot understand what drives people to do the things that they do, what are his intentions? what is he really capable of? and most  importantly, will she be ok? you see, while i don’t care about him (i shut him out a long time ago, but don’t harbour feelings toward him, or try my best not to), i really, really care about her and i love her very much. i was supposed to go see her two week’s ago but i let life get in the way and i delayed the visit and now i am left not knowing where she is and if i will ever see her again. oh Lord, please protect her and help him realise what he is doing.

not too sure how i will get through the rest of this day at work while i am feeling this way… guess i need my faith boots, as Lauretta would say. think i will add big girl panties to the mix too. i also know that once i pull myself toward myself and get lost in work it will be a welcome distration.

i am not writing this to get sympathy, i am writing this because this is my space and a place that i can release my thoughts and feelings.

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4 Comments Add yours

  1. Elegsabiff says:

    And that’s why blogging is so great – pour out the rant knowing people are listening, but you’re still able to wear the mask with those you know. There’s a word in Afrikaans, ‘sterkte’ which has no equivalent in English, but effectively when someone says sterkte to another they are saying ‘I see you are fragile, I am wishing you all strength and steadfastness you need at this time.’

    Sterkte, Candice!

  2. settoncrew says:

    Thanks so much x
    Sterkte carries so much weight, I love Afrikaans, it is so expressive and meaningful.

  3. Paula Kaye says:

    This is heartbreaking and I hope that you work through it all! Vent away. It really helps me too. And I am so good at wearing the masks!

    http://paulasplace-paula.blogspot.com/

  4. settoncrew says:

    Rollercoaster of life I guess. Thanks Paula.

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