Depression: What it means to me

Depression is no joke! My journey with depression was diagnosed for the first time in 2008, at the time it was severe post natal depression. When I look back on my life now I can see that most of my life was filled with depression. I tried to hide it, I wore the mask of happiness, I got lost in drugs, alcohol and many other self-destructive behaviours. Not something to be proud of, but I am proud of the fact that I have turned my life around now and I am able to leave my past in the past.

I am not actually sure why I am writing this post, guess it is holding me down in some way right now and I just need to get my feelings out there. I am not looking for sympathy and also, while I am in a deep suicidal depression right now, I know that I will not attempt suicide (or cutting) because of two things, 1) My God is bigger than my problems and 2) I have three gorgeous boys who depend on me. So while the thoughts of suicide and cutting are there, they are not acted on. Just to put that out there.

One thing I learnt, the hard way, is that depression is nothing to be ashamed of. The more I speak about it, the more I realise how many people there are in my life that have beat depression, or, like me, are still facing it. Last night I began “21 Days to Beat Depression” from Carol McLeod’s blog. I came across her blog thanks to my sister who posted a link to another post Carol made. I am quite excited to be on this 21 day journey and I am hanging onto the belief that by day 21 my life will be a whole lot more joyful and light – maybe even free from depression once and for all. I might update throughout the journey, or I might not, will see how it goes. One of the things Carol dares you to do is make your list of thankfulness public, Facebook or Twitter it with the hashtag “beatdepression”. Now, I will admit, at first I was a little reluctant and then I thought, ‘If I want to do this thing right, let me give it my all right from the start.’ So I did just that, I posted it to Facebook, almost with my eyes closed and holding my breath, but I did it. And you know what? I am so glad that I did because moments later I got a private message from a lady asking how she can beat depression too. You see… there is no reward in silence, rather when we speak out.

To the next 21 days. To beating depression. To standing up and fighting the fight.

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11 Comments Add yours

  1. Paula Kaye says:

    I am glad that you are dealing with this. My father committed suicide when I was seven years old and it has left me scarred all my life. I am glad that the thought of your kids will keep you from doing it. Keep thinking of them and putting them first in your life!! I don’t know that anyone ever beats depression, but learns to deal with it everyday in a positive way. I struggle with depression myself, mostly situational depression, and it definitely makes you feel all alone. Just know that you are NEVER alone.

  2. Patricia says:

    Kudos to you for recognizing the signs and symptoms of this disease and being aware of its often devastating effects. If you have not already done so,PLEASE seek medical help. I have worked for the last nine years of my nursing career with wonderful people like you, who, if they had cardiac or respiratory symptoms would be on the Dr’s/hospital doorstep, but b/c the disease affects the mind, it is often neglected. You appear to be very intelligent and caring….. take care of y-o-u…. Your children will thank you.

    1. settoncrew says:

      Too true, thanks Patricia.

  3. Lisa says:

    {{HUGS}} good luck to you!

    1. settoncrew says:

      I love hugs :) thanks.

  4. Phat Tourist says:

    I’m super proud of you! It is a difficult thing to deal with …and I’m not just talking about suffering with depression but facing up to it too, especially publicly! Well done! I hope that, as you work through the next 21 days, you wake up every morning feeling bright and lighter than you did the day before. You are an awesome person which is why you deserve only the best of what life has to offer! Keep going friend :) Love you! xx

    1. settoncrew says:

      Thanks Honey-Bunchness. Love you too XxX

  5. Natalie says:

    Good luck! Depression is no joke and people who have never experienced it will never truly understand the depth of how you can feel .. stay strong x Natalie

    1. settoncrew says:

      I am grateful to have many people around me that have been through or are still going through depression – helps so much. Thanks Natalie.

  6. Pingback: Raindrops on Roses

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