Getting personal

One of the biggest challenges I have faced throughout my entire life is the following: ‘I like being me’.

It has led me to dark and dreary places, a place of trying to numb what I was feeling, a place of deep suicidal depression, a place of hibernation, a place of masks, a place that was as far away from me that I could get.

While I have been trying to get away from me my entire life the last two years I have been trying to get back to who me really is. What is my plan and purpose in life? Who am I? And most importantly, can I really like being me?

I wasn’t surprised really when it came up that my daily affirmation should be ‘I like being me’. Not I like me – because I do like me… it is the being that is the problem. It hurts though knowing that unconditional love for others comes with ease. I can easily meet someone and have a deep sense of love for them, without judgement as to who they are… and yet for myself, I judge and condemn my being more than I realise.

It is a journey, an uphill battle but this year, this year I will like being me. I will fake it till I make it. I will practise liking being me and meaning it. I will quit hiding behind things and pretending. I will like being me because I can. I know I can. I know it will not be an easy thing but I think it will be a rewarding thing… I can picture it, waking up in the morning and meaning that affirmation – oh what a glorious feeling.

I don’t like resolutions because they are made to be broken, or at least that is how they turn out in my life. I have a feeling that this year is going to be fabulous. I keep feeling like I am so close to something huge. I think that ‘I like being me’ needs to happen before the fabulous can pour in.

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